**The following does not contain any “Avengers: Infinity War” spoilers**
Philadelphia and Toronto are staring down potential sweeps. Both the Pelicans and Jazz squeaked out a win against the Western conference power houses, but sit at a hopeless 3-1 series (The Warriors would never blow a 3-1 lead, that’s just ridiculous. Never gonna happen. Totally never happened before). But these aren’t the only teams needing help. The Warriors seem like the obvious champions yet again, so all 7 opponents need some help. Let’s look at 7 possible free agents they could sign. These free agents also have some interesting attributes.
New Orleans Pelicans – Black Panther
The Pelicans had a rough draw. In order to reach the Finals, they must take out the Warriors then the Rockets. They need almost another type of energy or maybe a material that can only be found in the jungles of a fictional African nation. Woah, we have one of those? Oh, cool. The Black Panther is looking to extend out Wakanda’s resources in order to help the world rather than just their own nation. So, it only makes sense for him to play basketball for a basketball team named the Pelicans and to throw Rajon Rondo some vibranium which could maybe give him a jump shot.
Utah Jazz – Thor
Down 3-1 against the Warriors? As we stated previously, the Warriors would never blow such a series lead. But if the impossible somehow became possible, Thor would be the guy to do it. The Jazz would only need Thor for about one possession to win this series. Thor is apparently a god, so just throw him out there and slam his hammer on the ground to sideline the Warriors starting lineup. Problem solved. However, we all know that Thor would play some suffocating defense on Kevin Durant.
Houston Rockets – Spiderman
Wilt Chamberlain holds the NBA record for most rebounds in a game with 55, but Spidey would literally grab every rebound in a game regardless of boxing out or positioning. You know, the old adage, “With great power comes great total rebounding percentages. ” Keep in mind, this is the Tom Holland-version of Spiderman which is the greatest version.
Philadelphia 76ers – Iron Man
Of the 129 teams in the NBA playoffs to fall behind 3-0, a whopping 0 of them have come back to win the series. But, that record will be broken when Iron Man comes to Philly with those hand blaster thingys. The fast break opportunities keep running through my mind. Iron Man’s free agent contract is contingent on the fact that he does that cool walking into his suit thing. You know what I mean.
Boston Celtics – The Incredible Hulk
The Warriors certainly won’t like the Hulk when he’s angry. But, that is only if the Hulk actually gets angry? Seeing the Hulk in warm-up lines? Frightening. Seeing Mark Ruffalo in warm-up lines? A delightful surprise, but offers minimal basketball aid. Also, Hulk would break backboards very easily. So, this would end up shattering (see what I did there?) the record for the longest NBA game due to all the backboard replacements.
Cleveland Cavaliers – Rocket
LeBron has proven that he can beat the Warriors when it seemed impossible. Oops, I meant the Cavaliers. They would need the least amount of help in theory. So, we’ll just give him an aggressive raccoon with major angerment issues. What he lacks in height, he makes up for with attitude and his passion for weapons.
Toronto Raptors – Thanos
The Raptors need all the help they get. They literally cannot beat LeBron. Each night, LeBron chooses which way he is going to crush the entire country of Canada. Thanos is their only hope. His stupid purple face would match the old retro Raptors jerseys. It’s a perfect fit.
Sporadic Sentinel 